never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
