Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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