i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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