I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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