I wish my penis had an off switch
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
