I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
