theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
