how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....