I'm really into asian looking animals
I am spending my child support on dildos
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Okay so I just had a really great idea