Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!