I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
