I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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