Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.