He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night