I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize