Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
