Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
