Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
