and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
