you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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