hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
