We named our party play list daddy issues
I could make wine with my vomit
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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