are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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