I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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