my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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