I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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