Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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Church boner. Awkwardddd
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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