i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
