you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
