Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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