i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
