Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
