there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
