I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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