I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
