you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
