She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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