when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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