He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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