69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
