she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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