halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
