New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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