Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
