i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
