White coat. Heels.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
