I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
