I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
