Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
