dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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