so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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