You're completely useless in the revolution.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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