I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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