i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
