Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
is it fun? or sober?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
