We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
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Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
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He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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