You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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