Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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