Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
