Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
