Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
