hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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