So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize