Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
