you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
