Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
