Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
