if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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