I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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