It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
