i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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