Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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