Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
