to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
