I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
