am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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