There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
